Crossing Oceans.

 

I saw a post on Facebook a while ago and it really made me think about things. I’m usually a bitter woman, I hold grudges. I also tend to fight back a lot. If someone writes something about me, I retaliate. It’s a bad quality to have. Enough. I will do it no more. I don’t want to grow up to be a horrible spiteful woman. I was someone who would be kind to most people unless they did something bad to me. Why? Honestly…I have no reason. Just because someone has done something to hurt or upset you, why retaliate? Why sink to their level? As cheesy as it sounds, you only have one life. You only get to meet people once. I’ve changed my outlook a lot since previous posts. Friends always say to me that if someone wants to be nasty and leave your life, let them and show them the door. No. You have one chance at life and making it the best it can be. Give as much love as you can, be friendly, be kind, be loving. Life is not always about making it better for you, it’s about making it better for others too.

The post that I’m talking about had a lot of hate online. People were saying why should you give so much love when it will eventually wear you down. I don’t believe that it will. I believe that if you give enough love, you’ll feel better for it and lead a fuller and happier life. Why would you donate money to charity, help the homeless or any other causes but not give that same amount of love and care to those closer to you? I’m rambling and I don’t feel like I’m getting my point across. Let’s sum it up. I’m done being horrible. I’m done holding grudges against people. Instead, I shall wish them every happiness on their journey through life. I hope that it gives them everything they may have ever wished for and that they allow themselves to live it to the full- whatever that may be. From now on, I’m going to cross oceans. 

 

Strength.

I am not weak.

I have been through hell and here I am. Alive. To call someone weak when they have once wanted to end their life but found a way to live, is disgusting. I am strong. I have always been strong. Yes, I drink. Thing is, I am able to drink now. I can go out for a few drinks with my friends, have a good time, not make a fool of myself and just enjoy myself. Just because I drink does not mean I am weak. If I can go out, drink, get a takeaway and get home without being stupidly drunk and paralytic, then I don’t see an issue.

I am angry. Very angry. You still read my blog and chuckle at my weakness’s and flaws? I am a human being. We all have those. The difference between me and you, is that I have lived. I have been through a whole lot of shit and you will never be able to understand that unless you’ve been in my position. That isn’t to say you haven’t been through things, we all have. They are just very different things.

I don’t understand how you can have so much hate for a person. I strive to be a good person and I know that I am. I won’t let you or anybody tell me otherwise.

Other than this, I am doing wonderfully. Minus having the flu, of course.

Ciao x

Yup.

I honestly have no idea what to name this post…it’s going to be a bit all over the place as per usual.

I feel a little detached today. I’m not entirely sure why. I just kind of feel like life is passing me by. I go through the days and don’t really do much any more. I have never felt so bored hahah.

I think I’m getting to the point where I want to be back at work. That’s something I never thought I would say. But yes. I want to work again. Maybe not full time 37+ hours a week like I used to, I just need something a few days a week and I will be happy. I’ll ease myself into it.

Kristian says he will help me look into some options when I see him on Thursday which is nice. It makes me feel very lucky that he’s willing to help.

On another note, I discovered today that one of my….well I thought he was a friend, has removed me on facebook and is no longer speaking to me. I really cannot figure out why. As Mark always says, have an open door policy. If someone wants to walk out of your life, leave the door open for them to leave. Someone I know always used to say “Lose one friend, gain another.” so here’s my fingers crossed that I find a couple of new friends soon that I can pour love into.

Overall, life is on the up. Minus being skint as per usual and needing to buy multiple things, I’m doing well. I feel like I can get back into writing again. I feel like I haven’t written this much in a while and it’s nice. It’s calming on the soul.

I’m kind of overwhelmed with memories this evening which is slightly comforting, if a little sad. Ah well. It’s the past. I’m looking to the present and the future now, no longer stuck in the past.

 

More in a few days. Love you all. Ciao x

Day 37.

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7 days ago I said I would post an update. Did I? Of course I didn’t. You all know that I’m uselss at posting when I say that I will but I’ve been a busy girly.

Last weekend was a pretty crazy one. Friday meant a night out and of course the ‘wonderful’ K2. I actually had a great night. Then we went out on Sunday for bank holiday which was just as eventful but this time – no K2.

I put in a previous post about how I had a date and that went well. In fact, guess who’s now in a relationship? That’s right! I am! I’m a super happy lady at the minute which is such a nice change. I mean we made it official outside K2 but we’ll laugh back at that in the future. I’m looking at things more positively. This is proof that things do get better, it just takes some time. It’s day 37 of recovery and it’s felt like much longer. I’ve made it though. I’m actually at a point where I feel so good that I’m struggling to write. That’s why I haven’t really been posting because I’ve not had much to say. Isn’t it strange how when you’re down you can write and write and write but when you’re happy then you struggle. One day, I’ll rectify that.

Anyway, stuck for words now so I shall sign off.

Much love to everyone that’s been here for me and posting kind words, you’re all awesome. And always remember, no matter how impossible it feels, it does get better.

Ciao x