Spoilt.

Today is my 21st birthday and I’ve been well and truly spoilt.

My manager at work got me a gorgeous ring and birthday cake.

My boyfriend treated me last week and has had some beautiful flowers delivered to my work.

My parents made an extra special fuss this morning with banners and cake.

I’ve spoilt myself and been out shopping.

I’ve never been so happy to have such amazing people around me. They’re amazing.

Now to work until 6pm and then go out for drinks and dancing this evening 🙂

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Children’s Names.

This post may not interest any of you but it’s something I find very interesting. I have a lot of children’s names in mind for if I ever have children and I thought I would share them and their meanings with you.

Female

Kiara – Irish name derived from ciar (black): hence, “black-haired one.” In the U.S., Ciara is pronounced phonetically, rather than with its Gaelic pronunciation of keer-ah.

Asteria – Asteria is the Titaness of nocturnal oracles and falling stars (where we get the word Asteroid from).

Erienne – The Greek Goddess who symbolized peace.

Delphina – Feminine form of the Latin name Delphinus, which meant “of Delphi”. Delphi was a city in ancient Greece, the name of which is possibly related to Greek δελφυς(delphys) “womb”. The Blessed Delphina was a 14th-century Provençal nun.

Ada – The name Ada is a French baby name. In French the meaning of the name Ada is: Nobility.

Liana – The name Liana is a Latin baby name. In Latin the meaning of the name Liana is: F: Youthful. The feminine form of Julian. Famous Bearer: Former Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.

Penny-Mae – Greek Meaning: The name Penny is a Greek baby name. In Greek the meaning of the name Penny is: Flower. Also a : Bobbin.

Male 

Ezra – The name Ezra is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Ezrais: Help, helper.

Timothy – The name Timothy is a Greek baby name. In Greek the meaning of the name Timothy is: God’s honour; God fearing.

Nolan – Traditionally an Irish last name. In Gaelic, it means a descendant of a chariot fighter or champion. Other meanings are “famous” and “noble.”

Colby – The name Colby is an Anglo-Saxon baby name. In Anglo-Saxon the meaning of the name Colby is: From the dark village.

Harrison – Transferred use of the surname originating in the Middle Ages as a patronymic meaning “son of Henry” or “son of Harry.”

Oakley – The name Oakley is an English baby name. In English,the meaning of the name Oakley is: From the oak – tree meadow.

Tristan – The name Tristan is a French baby name. In French the meaning of the name Tristan is: Tumult; outcry. From the Celtic name Tristan. In Arthurian legend Tristanwas a Knight of the Round Table and tragic hero of the medieval tale Tristram and Isolde.

 

Live.

I was scrolling through Facebook this lunchtime and I came across a post that said:

‘I’m not suicidal, but if a car came while I was crossing the street, I don’t think I would move out of its way. And if someone held a gun to my head, I wouldn’t exactly beg for my life. In fact, I’d laugh and tell them to go for it. No, I’m not suicidal. But if I had an opportunity to die without having to kill myself, I’d probably take it.’

Maybe a few months ago I’d have agreed with this. It sums up just how I felt. Neither living, nor dying. Surviving. Now is a different story. It breaks my heart knowing that I used to feel like that and knowing that other people are still in the mindset now.

I want to live. If someone held a gun to my head,  I would plead and beg for my life. If a car came whilst I was walking over the road, I would leg it to get out of the way. I would never take an opportunity to die. I want to live. It’s like my previous post, I never used to see a future. Now I do. I see myself 5 years down the line, happily settled in my own place. Maybe even engaged and living with a partner. I see myself in a steady job that some days I love, some days I hate. Whilst the future is very daunting and I am somewhat afraid of what the next (hopefully) 40-50 years holds for me, I’m excited. Just think of all the things that I’ll experience within that time. Getting engaged. Getting married. Having little ones running around. Growing old. Experiencing everything that life has to offer. I want to cherish every moment that I am lucky enough to have in this precious life.

It’s amazing to look back and see how far I have come since I first started my recovery. I have never looked back at my previous posts from the very beginning because I know that I am not at the end of my journey. I plan to save them for as long as I can. One day I shall read them.

I have plans. It’s been a while since I’ve had plans.

Bring on the future. x

Continuing My Journey

If you have followed my blog from the beginning, you’ll know the journey that I have been on. If not, just know that it consists of heartbreak, anxiety, depression and basically was just hell.

I like to think now that I am on a different journey. Perhaps no longer one of recovery. Having said that, I do not mean that I am fully recovered because I’m not. I don’t think I ever will be. I do not consider myself ‘fixed’.

I still have horrible nightmares, haunting memories and intense feelings of fear. I know that in time they will fade but for now, it’s all part of the path that has been laid out for me.

My journey is not over, just slightly different. I guess you never really end your journey until death, the path you follow changes. You take a different direction at a crossroads.

Life for me is very different now. Instead of fearing pretty much everything and constantly having overwhelming feelings of anxiety, I start the day excited for what’s to come. I’m working now and absolutely loving my job. The long hours are tiring but it’s so beneficial. I’m working as a front of house receptionist at a new office build in Leeds. I meet so many different people day to day and find new challenges to overcome. It’s wonderful.

As for personal life, things are looking up. Not so much at home, things are deteriorating there. I can cope though, spending 40 hours at work each week means that I am rarely home and when I am, I am in my bedroom relaxing. I have a great boyfriend, he really does look after me. We have our arguments, every couple does, but  I would not change it for the world. It feels lovely to have a text in the morning wishing me a good day and a text in the evening asking how my day went. We aren’t going to see each other much this month due to me working and him going away but it’ll make our time together much more special. I am starting to value my friends a lot more also. When you find friends who will stick with you through all your bad moments, you know you have found true friends.

I shall leave this post simply by saying that I hope you have gained something from following my journey so far, and I hope that you will stay for the rest. Blog posts may be scarce this next few weeks as I settle into work but I shall try my best to keep you all updated. I might try a few new ideas for posts too, see how they go. Until then, have a wonderful day and remember, you’re beautiful.

 

Onwards and upwards, the journey continues x