“Every drop of rain has an Eco-structure and every blade of grass a story”

This is a bit of a different post for me. Something somewhat different to my usual anxiety fuelled writing. It is something that I find of utmost importance and it’s undoubtedly inspiring.

A good friend of mine lost one of his closest friends last week. He asked that I let you know what happened before I continue my post. It was heartbreakingly suicide. Now, I don’t know the reasons why or much about the situation, but most of you who follow my blog know about my struggle with having a suicidal father. I’m not saying that I am an expert on these things or anything like that, yet I have come to view these things in a rather different manor to what I used to. Someone once said that suicide was selfish. I struggled with hearing that, is it selfish? In my view, no, it’s not. I had a very hard time accepting my father’s suicidal mind especially when one of my best friends lost her mother. I didn’t seem to understand the fact that one person who truly wanted to live, had her life stolen from her whilst my father who had everything to live for, wanted to destroy his. I have now come to terms with this and I feel like I have an understanding and my own perspective on this. Life isn’t for him. It may sound stupid but maybe he just wasn’t meant for life. I say this, knowing my friend is grieving, your friend may be gone in life but she is there in your heart and soul. She will live on inside of you.I hope that you will have more of an understanding on this matter as you have been in a similar mindset yourself. If someone is willing to let go of life, that’s okay. They are now free. Isn’t that what everyone strives for? Freedom? I don’t know, I feel like I’m rambling. This isn’t what the post was meant to be about.

Moving on.

The real reason that I wanted to write this post is that said friend, Joey, wrote a post on Facebook today. Me being the avid writer that I am, and knowing it would interest you all, decided to tell you more about it and write about it. I shall include the post (I have his permission) and you can all read it for yourselves. I’m sure you’ll appreciate his talent for writing and the content of this post:

The past week has had me thinking, more than usual (which is usually a hell of a lot anyway). It’s crazy how the death of a friend can really capture not only your thoughts but your entire perspective, extremely unexpectedly as well. You believe it’s one of those events that you can deal with, life has thrown other obstacles at you in the past and you’ve fought past them and emerged victorious, so why not now?

Truth is, nothing can prepare you for that news, no matter who you are or how many times you’ve had the misfortune to hear it in the past.

So yeah, this past week has really had me thinking deeply (Beatherder included difficulty enough) and its left me with some lessons I’m sure I’ll take on for the rest of my life. I think we’re all in pursuit of that moment of perfection, that moment where you feel like absolutely everything is in place, you have no worries, no constraints, no restrictions (whether they be emotional, financial etc) and everything just feels perfect. I don’t think these moments exist, considering the state of affairs worldwide, the overexposure of any individuals life due to social media, I think this moment of perfection is pretty much impossible to achieve or find. HOWEVER, the operative opinion (please register that I use the word ‘opinion’ strongly here as it is just my opinion) here is that we must not struggle to find the perfect balance, but that we should find beauty in fucking everything. Every drop of rain has an Eco-structure and every blade of grass a story. Allow yourself the mental and emotional scope to take everything you see and feel on board, whether it be physically or emotionally.

What I’m trying to say is, despite all evil or all good, you exist as part of a ridiculously delicate but beautiful and expanding Earth, bless yourself with the importance of this and immerse yourself in every single moment, every single sight, every single touch. Maybe if we can find the beauty in everything, even the evil in the world, we can individually and collectively make our landscapes brighter.

That’s what keeps me going, anyway.

We all strive for perfection. Whether we know it or not. We all look for that moment in life when we’re at peace with ourselves, our lives and everything around us. Truth is, it’s bullshit. As Joey stated, we should strive to find beauty in everything around is. Wouldn’t that make life just a little more beautiful itself? I spend a lot of time watching the news at work, I hear about all of the murders, attacks and horrific things that happen on a day to day basis. Sometimes I find it difficult to keep a clear head and not get upset over them. The problem with society is we all focus on the bad. Yes, there’s a lot of bad and evil in the world but we never compare it to the positives. It’s like when you’re weighing up pros and cons of something. You usually go for it if there’s more pros. Isn’t life and the world like that? There’s so many pros and positives. I mean go outside right now and you will find some beauty outside your front door. We live in a fucking beautiful, immense world. We have trees, flowers, animals. We have friends, family. Sometimes we must appreciate what we have, not what we have lost. Right now, I am sat at a desk in work with barely any human contact. It’s warm, stuffy and I’m not very well. However, when I look outside I can see the sun shining through the architecture of Leeds. I can see people basking in the sunshine. There is a dog with it’s owner waiting outside the job centre. I can see plants from my desk, beautiful plants that are living. There’s beauty in everything you see. You are making memories every second of every minute of every day. Do you want to look back with hate?

You see horrible events on the news. People have been shot. Killed. You may ask, how do you find beauty in that? Well, think about the community, the families. Think about how they’re pulling together to do everything they can to help. To support each other. Is that not beauty?

At the end of the day, you’re here. You’re on this earth and it’s fucking incredible. Appreciate it. Before it’s gone.

 

Thank you to Joey for inspiring this post and inspiring my mind. 

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“The idea is to die young, as late as possible.” – Ashley Montagu

Possibly one of my favourites. Enjoy life, live for the moment and keep your young soul in your old age. Live your life in the fast lane but be slow enough to stop and smell the roses.

Alive.

I sit here in the bath and I think about the past 6 month . What a whirlwind. My mind wanders onto alcohol.

I barely drink anymore. I haven’t been out properly ages (minus 2 nights out for my 21st). That’s a big improvement for me as I used to go out twice a week and get absolutely hammered. Now, even if I’m staying in, I barely drink. I bought a bottle of wine after work on Friday as I’d had a particularly stressful week. I poured a glass, took 3 sips and didn’t even want it. It was my favourite wine. I can’t believe how far I have come. So for those who feel they need to say this, that and whatever about my drinking; look where I am now. I am healthy, happy and nothing in the world can fucking stop me.

I’ve proved you wrong. More importantly, I’ve proved something to myself!