Day 102 – Update and Smiles.

How did this happen?! It’s day 102. I’m a bit gutted that I missed day 100 but what can you do?

This is probably going to be quite a lengthy post because I have loads to update you all on!

So what’s been happening recently?

Well, me and Kristian have started making plans to move in together (crazy right?) I vowed to never think about that for a long time after my previous relationship. Yet here I am, excited about the future with my partner. I see us living in our own place together (the bat cave as he calls it) with our pets, all 6 of the furry little horrors. I don’t want to look to far into the future though, I want it to be an adventure. Our very own journey together filled with surprise, happiness and love. Let it begin! 😀

In other news, my job is still a bit uncertain but y’know what? It’ll work out, everything always works out. I’ll either be able to stay here or I’ll find something else. It’s all experience and it’ll all be fine.

I’ve gotten back into crafty things now, my life seems to revolve around crafts or DIY’s when I’m not at work. That and Pokemon. This weekend I started a matchstick model which is the one most infuriating thing I have ever done, enjoyable but frustrating! I also started work on some of my foil engravings which are fast becoming a favourite project due to how stunning they are when finished.

I have plans for my bedroom to make it more homely and lovely until I get moved out which includes wall hangings, quotes, plants and a new desk so I can be crafty and comfortable!

My hair has changed again! Then again, who is that surprising? It’s now a lot shorter and is Red, ginger didn’t make me happy enough. I was tempted to go for Purple, however I wasn’t completely taken with itso Red it was and I am over the moon with it!

I have a couple of tattoo ideas in mind, the first being four small birds on my collar bone to symbolise my grandparents. I also want something to symbolise how far I’ve come in my recovery process. I’ll keep you updated on that one.

Mental health wise, I’m getting there. I took some time off of my tablets. It sounds stupid but hear me out. If any of you have been on anti depressants or anti anxiety meds then you will know how they make you feel. I felt sort of numb. I had basically no emotions. I just couldn’t cry, like at all, when all I wanted was to sob and sob until it my lungs burnt and my eyes were sore. I don’t know why I decided to take some time off from them but I did and it’s given me a better outlook. Whilst I feel more human when I don’t take them, I am much more of a mess. I feel it’s better to take them for not only my sanity, but for those around me. Eventually I hope to lower my dose and come off of them completely but for now, I shall continue.

Even though my journey will never truly be over, I feel I am a good path. I have so much to be thankful for. I am happy. How long that lasts, I have no idea but for now, it’s amazing. I have such a great outlook on life. I am no longer dwelling on all the bad things that have happened. I don’t find myself going online and searching specific people only to end up in a pool of despair. Instead, I get on with my day to day life, doing things that I enjoy and being truly grateful for my wonderful family and amazing man that I have in my life.

Looking to the present and finally being myself.

Much love to you all, I hope you find happiness ❤

 

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Crossing Oceans.

 

I saw a post on Facebook a while ago and it really made me think about things. I’m usually a bitter woman, I hold grudges. I also tend to fight back a lot. If someone writes something about me, I retaliate. It’s a bad quality to have. Enough. I will do it no more. I don’t want to grow up to be a horrible spiteful woman. I was someone who would be kind to most people unless they did something bad to me. Why? Honestly…I have no reason. Just because someone has done something to hurt or upset you, why retaliate? Why sink to their level? As cheesy as it sounds, you only have one life. You only get to meet people once. I’ve changed my outlook a lot since previous posts. Friends always say to me that if someone wants to be nasty and leave your life, let them and show them the door. No. You have one chance at life and making it the best it can be. Give as much love as you can, be friendly, be kind, be loving. Life is not always about making it better for you, it’s about making it better for others too.

The post that I’m talking about had a lot of hate online. People were saying why should you give so much love when it will eventually wear you down. I don’t believe that it will. I believe that if you give enough love, you’ll feel better for it and lead a fuller and happier life. Why would you donate money to charity, help the homeless or any other causes but not give that same amount of love and care to those closer to you? I’m rambling and I don’t feel like I’m getting my point across. Let’s sum it up. I’m done being horrible. I’m done holding grudges against people. Instead, I shall wish them every happiness on their journey through life. I hope that it gives them everything they may have ever wished for and that they allow themselves to live it to the full- whatever that may be. From now on, I’m going to cross oceans. 

 

Soulmates.

Is our sole purpose in life to love and be loved? I have so many questions that I feel will never be answered. I see people that have been alone for decades and I wonder if they really are truly happy. Can you be happy without a soul mate? Do they even exist? Sometimes I think that I’m a firm believer in fate, other times it just seems like total nonsense. I guess soul mates do exist to a certain extent, perhaps not someone you’re going to fall in love with, but someone who enters your life for one purpose or another. Those who appear at what seems to be the perfect moment for the perfect reason. You fall in love with them, with their soul and every fibre of their being. Not always romantically, you never want them to leave your life because they bring so much joy and happiness. They make you feel like you’re at home, you’re safe. Someone once said you can find soul mates not only in lovers but also in friends. I like that.