Continuing My Journey

If you have followed my blog from the beginning, you’ll know the journey that I have been on. If not, just know that it consists of heartbreak, anxiety, depression and basically was just hell.

I like to think now that I am on a different journey. Perhaps no longer one of recovery. Having said that, I do not mean that I am fully recovered because I’m not. I don’t think I ever will be. I do not consider myself ‘fixed’.

I still have horrible nightmares, haunting memories and intense feelings of fear. I know that in time they will fade but for now, it’s all part of the path that has been laid out for me.

My journey is not over, just slightly different. I guess you never really end your journey until death, the path you follow changes. You take a different direction at a crossroads.

Life for me is very different now. Instead of fearing pretty much everything and constantly having overwhelming feelings of anxiety, I start the day excited for what’s to come. I’m working now and absolutely loving my job. The long hours are tiring but it’s so beneficial. I’m working as a front of house receptionist at a new office build in Leeds. I meet so many different people day to day and find new challenges to overcome. It’s wonderful.

As for personal life, things are looking up. Not so much at home, things are deteriorating there. I can cope though, spending 40 hours at work each week means that I am rarely home and when I am, I am in my bedroom relaxing. I have a great boyfriend, he really does look after me. We have our arguments, every couple does, but  I would not change it for the world. It feels lovely to have a text in the morning wishing me a good day and a text in the evening asking how my day went. We aren’t going to see each other much this month due to me working and him going away but it’ll make our time together much more special. I am starting to value my friends a lot more also. When you find friends who will stick with you through all your bad moments, you know you have found true friends.

I shall leave this post simply by saying that I hope you have gained something from following my journey so far, and I hope that you will stay for the rest. Blog posts may be scarce this next few weeks as I settle into work but I shall try my best to keep you all updated. I might try a few new ideas for posts too, see how they go. Until then, have a wonderful day and remember, you’re beautiful.

 

Onwards and upwards, the journey continues x

Crossing Oceans.

 

I saw a post on Facebook a while ago and it really made me think about things. I’m usually a bitter woman, I hold grudges. I also tend to fight back a lot. If someone writes something about me, I retaliate. It’s a bad quality to have. Enough. I will do it no more. I don’t want to grow up to be a horrible spiteful woman. I was someone who would be kind to most people unless they did something bad to me. Why? Honestly…I have no reason. Just because someone has done something to hurt or upset you, why retaliate? Why sink to their level? As cheesy as it sounds, you only have one life. You only get to meet people once. I’ve changed my outlook a lot since previous posts. Friends always say to me that if someone wants to be nasty and leave your life, let them and show them the door. No. You have one chance at life and making it the best it can be. Give as much love as you can, be friendly, be kind, be loving. Life is not always about making it better for you, it’s about making it better for others too.

The post that I’m talking about had a lot of hate online. People were saying why should you give so much love when it will eventually wear you down. I don’t believe that it will. I believe that if you give enough love, you’ll feel better for it and lead a fuller and happier life. Why would you donate money to charity, help the homeless or any other causes but not give that same amount of love and care to those closer to you? I’m rambling and I don’t feel like I’m getting my point across. Let’s sum it up. I’m done being horrible. I’m done holding grudges against people. Instead, I shall wish them every happiness on their journey through life. I hope that it gives them everything they may have ever wished for and that they allow themselves to live it to the full- whatever that may be. From now on, I’m going to cross oceans. 

 

Apollo and Artemis

I am a torrent of darkness,

under the never setting sun.

Two opposites are we,

Together as one.

Underneath the light,

of the never setting sun.

We are that inconsequential difference,

you know the one I mean,

between love and lust

that’s rarely ever seen.

I’ll be your moon,

You’ll be my sun.

You’ll be my Apollo

and I your Artemis.

Together as one,

for all eternity.

The Picture of Dorian Gray.

“Harry,” said Basil Hallward, looking him straight in the face, “every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself. The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have show in it the secret of my own soul.”

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray